Through the Hurt and the Smiles (Part I)

Loving can Hurt,
Loving can Hurt sometimes,

I’m trying to smile, honest, I really am, but the ache behind my breastbone makes me want to tear up, but the happiness in your laughter makes me keep smiling. My lips twitch, and it takes all my strength to keep searching for the light. 

But it’s the only thing that I know,

I can’t remember a time when I’ve not tried to make you happy; not tried to be the peacemaker when the screaming starts, and not been the first to apologise when the curses are spewed. My tears of frustration make me feel ridiculously weak, but still, I’ll always push my own feelings aside to be there for you. 

When it gets Hard,
You know it can get Hard sometimes,

My hands are over my ears, and hot tears splash down my cheeks as I take a step back, teeth digging into my lip to keep the sobs quiet. The screams are too much, I think to myself, too much for me to take today, and the revelation makes my knees weak and my heart plummet to my stomach. I try to apologise; I don’t know why, or to whom, but I try. 

But the words fail to come.

I can only whimper and cry harder, stifling the sound of my weakness with my teeth and lips as I back away from you, shaking my head and trying to tell you that I simply can’t. There’s a momentary silence, and I inhale shakily, trying to get my nerves back. 

It is the only thing that makes us feel alive. 

The tears are still flowing down my cheeks, and my hands are still over my ears, but I can hear blood roaring in my ears, and my heart beating wildly in my chest. It isn’t fear or panic or even exhilaration, I realise, just pure, unfiltered, breathless emotion that makes me feel like I need an oxygen mask. 

It takes me a few moments to comprehend that your arms are around me, and even though I’m shaking, you’re shaking too. Warm liquid soaks the collar of my shirt, and it makes the tears double over. I’m sorry, I try to say, but you’re shaking your head, and it’s enough to calm the storm that has been awakened inside of me. 

A/N: Hey guys, this was inspired by Ed Sheeran’s ‘Photograph’ (which you can listen to here). Please leave a comment telling me how this was, as I haven’t written anything quoting actual lyrics, though I do use songs as titles or inspiration for a lot of pieces. Let me know if I shouldn’t be doing this, or working on it more, or should continue with more of the lyrics. 
~ dx0330


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